20050416

The Crash Began

I guess I'm no Superman. I'm not really good at bottling things up and finally forgetting them.

I've been numb for days. Since last Sunday I've been on autopilot, going around, working, training. Business as usual, only, without feeling anything. Just feelingless. Not thinking about him, not missing him.

But today, it all began. I got out of numbness and now, it's all sinking in. I'm starting to miss him. I hear songs and they remind me of him. I know this is only the beginning though, it's only been three days...

It's so hard to admit these things, to admit that I love him, that I miss him, that I won't ever hold him tight or kiss him.

Today was such a bad day. My work plain sucked today. I was always phased out, customers were annoying me so much (and I rarely am annoyed when working, normally). Time went by so slowly. While closing we were listening to music. It so happened that one of the songs that played was a song that would play often on the mixtapes he listens to in his car. Hearing this song was like having a knife pass right through me.

Later, when I finally got back to my flat, I just called my mother and cried. For the first time in three days I'm able to cry, to finally let some of this out. I felt just so alone today, so lost. I felt like a trainwreck...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Un petit clin d`oeil de ma part et de celle de Carol King

When you're down and troubled
and you need a helping hand
and nothing, nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
and soon I will be there
to brighten up even your darkest nights.
You just call out my name,
and you know wherever I am
I'll come running,
oh yeah baby to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
all you have to do is call
and I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend.
If the sky above you
should turn dark and full of clouds
and that old north wind
should begin to blow
Keep your head together
and call my name out loud
and soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name
and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
all you got to do is call
and I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, ain't it good to know
that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them.
You just call out my name
and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don't you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all you've got to do is call.
Lord, I'll be there, yes I will.
You've got a friend.
You've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
You've got a friend.

.. thinking about you.