recap (part 1)

Alright. So, as usual, i plan to update and i just don't. Mind you, it's not like anybody's really reading this or holding their breath as to whether the little boy will finally write tidbits (details, as it were) of his "riveting" life. Well, here i am, with a well-intentioned recap, in order to update more often (hmmmm, where oh where have i read that sentence before...).

Since last update (early july), a lot has changed. First off: my mood has improved significantly (tremendously would i say, had i a british accent. the british sound so good when they say that word). I am not completely sure why, but i think it has a lot to do with me waking up to the fact that a big part of my mood-swing ferriswheel was self-inflicted. The way i used to think about things, about me, about life; the constant dark voice in the back of my head telling me that no matter what, everything's gonna go wrong, that i'm not worth shit, etc (you probably know the syndrome). Realizing that, i told that bitch to shut up and leave me alone. It seems to have worked. I also started cutting myself more slack that i normally do. Letting the pressure off my own shoulders for a while. It seems that all this has worked because in a month and a half, i have been relatively stable and cheery, which is quite something. Everybody seems to be noticing, too! From my mother who said, as i was talking about good things happening: "well, you truly seem to have found your way out of the well!", to my aunt who told me how she thought that i had become quite smiley-faced and really upbeat nowadays, to friends making similar comments.

Secondly, i decided to go back to school. At first, i plotted going back to cégep (once more and again), this time to study computer science. I was really into the idea of it, i even had a meeting with an advisor, to get registered. If i were to have been admitted, it would have meant staying here for at least another year and maybe even three years, the time to finish the program. I thought it was a nice plan, i really did. But then...

Emilie (friend extraordinaire) and I had planned a couple of weeks ago to go spend a day in Montréal, like we used to do before. The planned date was August 4th. So, as the date was approaching, an internet friend of mine came online. He had been offline for a while, because he had moved from Québec to Montréal. We had never met in real life, so i asked if he'd like to spend a bit of time with Émilie and I in Montréal. He said that he'd like to. So the plan was to meet in the end of the afternoon, someplace. The plan was then set.

August 4th, early morning, i wake up and get dressed for a day in the big town. My friend picked me up around 8:30, and we left. It felt like a great day, the sun shining, good music on the radio, Emi and I shiny happy people. We arrived to Montreal and just browsed around the streets, going to bookstores, clotheshops, art material places, etc. We went for coffee about every 2 hours (hehehehe). In the afternoon, we decided to go to ExCentris. That theater only plays international and repertoire films. So we walk into the theater only to stumble on a good friend that i had not seen in a long time. It felt totally crazy. We were 30 minutes in advance for the movie and we spent it chatting together. Then we went for the movie, watched it, said goodbye to my friend and left. At that moment i felt a bit overwhelmed. My friend had spoken about her plans for the future, what she was gonna study et al (i know this seems really disconnected to the rest of the story, but i'm going somewhere with this, please hold on). I had realised at that point that i had missed her beaucoup. Emilie noticed my pensive state and just shouted: "cheer up now, god!" We went for dinner and laughed a lot, it was great. I was also waiting for a phone call from my internet friends about where we should meet. He called, we finally set a rendez-vous. Emilie and I finished having dinner and waited for the rendez-vous. Internet friend arrived and we started walking and chatting all three of us. He took us to this place in Chinatown where they serve bubble tea. It was great fun. After much talking on how we had wanted to go to a showing of Kill Bill 1 and 2 at a theater in town, the internet friend invited us over to his place to watch kill bill 2. So we did. It was tons of fun. Emilie was sitting on a sofa and i was sitting on a futon, right next to internet friend. We kept on teasing one another during the movie (Emilie slept through most of it) and at one point, he put his head on my shoulder.

Then, when the time was to leave, i shook his hand, nearly walked through the door, had second thoughts and hugged him. Then i left.

more to follow...