Clean Slate

Yesterday I really crashed. It was no kidding when I wrote that I felt like a trainwreck: I really did.

But then, this morning I woke up feeling really light. Light and a little relieved. Had breakfast, took a shower, got dressed... Leaving my flat, something dawned on me: I know I'll be okay. It's one thing to say it, but to realise it is another altogether. But I am certain I'll be fine. Of course, I am not over this at all, but the worst, most intense part is behind me.

During my break at work I called my mother, to tell her that I was feeling much better and to assure her that I would be fine. She started crying on the phone. Not because she was sad that I'll be okay but because she had been really worried and so had been my sister. Since those dark years where I was really depressed all the time and couldn't function, my family is always worried that I'll fall back into depression or want to kill myself. But there's no danger, I'm not that fragile, gloomy puppy anymore. I just wished they'd actually believe me when I say that so then next time something happens my family will be able to sleep at night.