Poseurs and Narcissists: Give Up!

Every field has their share of poseurs. Photography is no exception...

In my class, there are quite a few of those. Out of all those fakes, one really gets to me. Last term, he only was in my lab class. This term, the dude happens to be in my phototech class and colour theory class. Everybody seems to think he's a really nice, charming dude. They don't really notice how condecending he actually is. When he says things, there's always an underlying layer of supposed superiorety intricately linked to his message. He will chat you up, but only to show his "knowledge". Also, the man is a fan of analog photography (nothing wrong with that), but likes to tell everybody else how HE has done photography the old, hard way and how, because of that, he is better then the whole population of photostudents combined. Last term, in lab class, he would always do his best to show everyone his work (again, nothing wrong with that per se), but using vile, manipulative means. He would befriend other students who can't question his attitude (as they have just started in photography) and lavish them with his thoughts on the history of photography, on how B+W photography can only be respectfully accomplished using the means of our ancestors, etc. Every time a teacher would say something related to film photography, he always makes a noise and grins and nods his head in content. That was his last term technique.

Now, this term, all of our groups are mixed up. So some of the minions of his original group happen to be in many of the classes I happen to be in. Last week, in studio class, we were working on personal stuff. When he passed by the studio and saw that the theory was over, he came in and found some of his colleagues to begin a chat. He was speaking loudly. He filled the room with his sentences, talking about how HE is getting so many contracts that he can't handle them, how HE is forced to lie about his age in order to get the contracts, as employers would think that someone his age simply could not be bestowed so much talent. I wasn't near him at all when he made that speech. I was busy experimenting with flasheads, minding my own business. Yet, I overheard his whole discourse. The whole ordeal turned my blood.

I've recognised quite a few months ago that this guy irks me. But after that class, I felt a bit down. I started questioning myself, my work and what I want to do later (mind you, I had had terrible sleep the night prior so I was overly sensitive that day). With much reflection, I realised that all that boy is doing, in actuality, is blowing smoke up the photo dept.'s ass. He NEEDS to feel superior, to feel important. I read something regarding that matter in the Tao-tö king a while ago and it came back to me that day:

XXIV
He who stands up tiptoeing
will not stand upwards for long.
He who walks in long strides
will not go very far.
He who shows exhibition will not glow.
He who affirms himself will not impose himself.
He who brings himself to glory will not have his merits recognised.
He who excites himself will not become a king.

That's when I realised that I don't need to feel bothered by the poseur's speech. I do not need that pretense. I need to know my own value and work with it. I need to know where I'm lacking and work on it. I do not need to bolster my supposed "special talents and gifts". I came to where I am now with work and will continue to do so. I just perhaps need to work on my self-confidence a bit...