A Bath And A Guitar

I took this long, relaxing bath tonight. I played Beth Orton's Central Reservation album as background music and soaked in for almost an hour. Thinking about things, putting things in order in my head.

When you stop taking antidepressants, you go through a withdrawal phase. It can be mild or it can be really severe and debilitating. I'm a lucky bastard, because I've only experienced mild ones. And I'm going through one right now. My brain feels like it's tilting every once and again. I have a fake cold, I'm feeling blue and melancholic, I have trouble sleeping. But really, it's not that bad. I know that it's only a matter of days until I get back on my feet.

I've been practicing the guitar a lot since I was lent one, last weekend. Almost two hours a day. I think I'm really, truly in love with that instrument. As much as I loved the piano, it always felt like something wasn't entirely right. I just might have found it now. If things keep going the way they are, I should be a fairly decent guitar player before summer comes. That would be perfect, really, as it might give me the opportunity to finally compose and organise all those latent songs and sounds that are constantly lying in my head.

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Last week, my roommate confessed to falling for me. This is truly problematic. Not only is that man my roommate, he also happens to be my boss. Also, he knows that as much as I find him to be a great person and I do enjoy living with him, the feeling is not mutual. I truly hope that he'll grow out of his infatuation soon.

This almost seem like a weird shift of some karmic force. I have often been on the giving end of unrequited love in the past. But ever since the end of this summer, I find myself on the receiving end of love that I just cannot reciprocate. I guess this is nature's way of letting me know how it feels to have someone fall for you and you finding yourself just not loving that person.