Better The Devil You Know

In the last post, I was talking about the new job I was hired for. The next day, I went to the store to get the documents I needed to sign. Getting in the store, a bit of an odd feeling came over me. I went to talk to the manager, he gave me the documents to take home, read and fill-in. When I asked how many hours a week I would get, he completely changed state and became rather stern. "We don't promise hours here", he said.

I left with a real bad feeling. On my way out of the mall, I passed in front of the photo studio I always thought of applying at. Just as I walked by it I decided that it was time for me to go in. So in I went and I asked the girl at the counter the procedure to apply for an assistant job there. "Do you have any photo experience," she asked in a cold, bored voice. To that I replied that I had been shooting seriously for the past two years and that I was a first year photography student. She went from cold to completely interested, grabbed the business card of the studio, scribbled down an email and urged me to send in my resumé with a paragraph listing all my photographic experience.

Later in the day, I wanted to pass by my current job to announce that I was quitting. I was still swarmed by a bad feeling about the new job. Still, I figured that all I need in life is to move forward and that way things will fall into place by themselves. So, I went by my job and wanted to talk to the manager, but she was not working that day. I went to the assistant-manager and announced him that I was quitting. "Not you too!!," screamed he. Turns out the manager was leaving a week from that day. She was fed up (and had been for a while) with the job. I went outside and had a lenghty chat with the assistant-manager. I told him about my frustrations with the current state of the store and about the constant negativity at the job. We talked and figured things out, he offered me to always work around 20 hours a week if it was what I needed. I asked him to give me a couple of days to think about it.

I was going home that weekend. When I came back, I had taken my decision: I would keep my current job. I think I made a wise move. It's better the devil you know.

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If you pay attention to the time of this post, you'll see that it's past 3 am and I'm not sleeping. I don't really know why I have such disturbed sleep lately. I'm guessing it's stress from school and all those changes around me. Because of those recurring insomnia nights/nightmare spells I have been getting, I'm really really close to being expelled from visual language class. In 5 weeks of school, I managed to make it there on time only once. Twice I've missed class because of insomnia that lead to major oversleeping, once I've been late for the same reason and once I arrived late because there was a little party at the Villa and I went to bed too late. I will have to go and talk to my teacher before he fails me by default. All is fine and well in all of my other classes; it seems the flaking out peaks in the night between tuesday and wednesday. Hopefully I won't be kicked out of that class because that would mean having to retake it next year and thus being a year behind in the visual arts courses (it would not affect my photo classes, though).

This past wednesday, I was feeling really confused and lost. Especially after having missed yet another visual language class. When I got back to my apartment after work, I was in a really gloomy state. I went cycling and did it very intensely for 40 minutes, then went grocery shopping and called my mother while browsing the aisles. "Ma, I'm feeling confused," I said. She asked me what about and then we talked and she helped me figure things out. Some of those tips she gave me actually have helped me getting back on track. Now all that's left to do is to sort out the visual language problem.

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Yesterday (sunday) morning, I got an automated email message from an internet SMSing/friends-connection service. It was an invitation to join the service in order to keep in touch with the person who sent the invite. That message was sent to me by François...

Now, I don't know if he did that while we were together and it just happens that I am receiving the message from that service now, something like a month and a half after it ended OR if he sent it recently.

If he sent it recently, I just hope he realises how stupid a move that was. He has not manifested himself at all in the time since the end, he has not even checked the next day to make sure I had made it safely back. I left his place with a feeling that he was just relieved that he was finally freed from me and his lack of communication once that was done actually just reinforced that feeling. So, if he sent that in hopes that I would want to get in touch, he is so completely mistaken. If he has something to say to me, he should write me a real email or call me or write a letter.

So if I was right and he tried to get in touch with me that way, I just have to say: Fuck You.