That's exactly what I had today: one great day. It all started slowly and normally, with visual language 1 class. We did clay sculpting, working on creating textures. Today was the student integration in the school's art gallery. I had three hours between the end of my class and the integration, so I went to the coffee shop where I always go.
I had thought ahead and brought my computer with me. So at the coffee shop, I worked on a paper. I chatted with the manager who has now become a friend of mine. We talked music and I ended up burning a CD for him. He went to the backroom and burned me two CDs of music I have to discover. As I left, he hugged me. I just couldn't stop smiling.
I go to the integration. We were a lot less than they had expected. Instead of the 60 first year students they were expecting to come (60 out of 84 total first year students), we were only 15. So we all talked to one another, looking at the exhibit that was there. Then, all the teachers gave us a speech about imagemaking, about photography. The program director closed that speech with something really inspirational and motivating, telling us to go forward and never lose the passion for image that brought us there in the first places.
At 5pm was the vernissage of the exhibit that was in the gallery. It was the yearly teacher's show. Some really really great photographs were there. We got to meet some of the second and final year students. I also got to chat a bit more with another first year student, a girl who happens to be in my group. We left the show and the girl went to catch her bus. As I was walking for the metro someone pulled my backpack. I turn around and there is Emilie. We both had our evening free so we went for coffee and then went to the MACM (Museum of Contemporary Arts of Montreal). We left at 8:50, as the museum was closing.
While we were walking back to the metro, I check on my mobile: there's a message. I take the said message and it's from my roommate, telling me that the manager of the place where I had a job interview had called and to call him back, if possible before 9. I hurry and call back...
I'm hired!
That's definitely a great day.
20050921
20050915
The Fear Of Art Classes
Sometimes, I get scared of little things.
In the program I'm doing in school, it's mandatory to take a certain amount of visual arts classes. This term, I have observation drawing and visual language 1. Now, because of my flaking out in the first week and a half of school, I came late to the first visual language class and completely missed the second. I also missed my second observation drawing class.
Yesterday, though, I woke up way early to make sure that I would be on time to visual language class. I also had to drop by the school store to buy a tablet of newsprint paper. I did all of this and indeed arrived on time to class. I was rather nervous, having missed the last class and not really knowing what to expect (apart from what I had read in the course outline).
It all went very well. The class was about drawing with volumes and doing volume renderings with ink and graphite. The teacher was very motivating and I, for once, didn't feel like a complete loser taking a visual arts class.
I got out of class feeling quite hyper: I've beat my fear of visual arts classes.
In the program I'm doing in school, it's mandatory to take a certain amount of visual arts classes. This term, I have observation drawing and visual language 1. Now, because of my flaking out in the first week and a half of school, I came late to the first visual language class and completely missed the second. I also missed my second observation drawing class.
Yesterday, though, I woke up way early to make sure that I would be on time to visual language class. I also had to drop by the school store to buy a tablet of newsprint paper. I did all of this and indeed arrived on time to class. I was rather nervous, having missed the last class and not really knowing what to expect (apart from what I had read in the course outline).
It all went very well. The class was about drawing with volumes and doing volume renderings with ink and graphite. The teacher was very motivating and I, for once, didn't feel like a complete loser taking a visual arts class.
I got out of class feeling quite hyper: I've beat my fear of visual arts classes.
20050912
I Feel Lost
I feel lost.
I feel lonely.
I'm not entirely sure why.
Just yesterday, I was in a beautiful mood.
Things must have turned sour in my sleep.
I don't really understand myself these days.
Or the state I'm in.
I have pulsions heading every way.
I'm a sinus curve.
One day is beauty, the other is gloom.
One day I'll be lifting a building. The next, I'll be falling from it.
This is recurrent, I know.
But I want to be away.
Away from myself, away from my head.
I would want to fall asleep under a tree.
Wake up cradled in a stranger's arms.
Who would disconnect me from me.
If only for a while.
I feel lonely.
I'm not entirely sure why.
Just yesterday, I was in a beautiful mood.
Things must have turned sour in my sleep.
I don't really understand myself these days.
Or the state I'm in.
I have pulsions heading every way.
I'm a sinus curve.
One day is beauty, the other is gloom.
One day I'll be lifting a building. The next, I'll be falling from it.
This is recurrent, I know.
But I want to be away.
Away from myself, away from my head.
I would want to fall asleep under a tree.
Wake up cradled in a stranger's arms.
Who would disconnect me from me.
If only for a while.
20050911
Numbers and Equations; Phrases, Poems and Choruses
I'm wondering what's left, what remains when you've truly loved and then lost that love. What happens once that person holding your heart has just gone away, taking that heart with them. I'm pondering what makes one love better than another, what makes the worth of a love. Is it based on the length of time that love has existed? Does it lie in the strenght of the feeling?
And once that love inhabits you and then leaves you, what stays inside. What is it that stays true, when that love became simply a string of numbers and equations, just a series of phrases, going over and over in your head. What happens when all that's left are pictures, poems and choruses? It's like repeating the same thing over and over: it loses it's meaning. You forget the reason why there is a numbness, an emptiness. Yet, that numbness is still there. You forget why and how things happened, but the words, the songs and the pictures are there to remind you.
How does one separate oneself off of a love that never ended properly?
And once that love inhabits you and then leaves you, what stays inside. What is it that stays true, when that love became simply a string of numbers and equations, just a series of phrases, going over and over in your head. What happens when all that's left are pictures, poems and choruses? It's like repeating the same thing over and over: it loses it's meaning. You forget the reason why there is a numbness, an emptiness. Yet, that numbness is still there. You forget why and how things happened, but the words, the songs and the pictures are there to remind you.
How does one separate oneself off of a love that never ended properly?
20050910
Everything New
Seems I succeeded at resetting my system and regaining a form of routine. I made it on time to all the rest of this week's classes. I am (genuinely) in a good mood and I've been able to sleep normally for a couple of days in a row.
Then, also, I got a new computer. A PowerBook G4, the 12 inch model. I can't express just how much I love that machine. I have always been a Mac fan and was once the proud owner of an iBook. Sadly, that iBook died in a really weird and frustrating fashion more than two years ago, just as I was in the finals period of my last year of Cégep. Since then I had been using a PC that was graciously offered by the famiglia to ease the pain of losing my friend the iBook. But that computer, as powerful as it was when I first got it, started becoming rather sluggish for all photoprocessing tasks and I have been harbouring the idea of getting a new computer. The plan was that I would get a computer for myself and hand the PC down to my mother, for her to finally step in the digital era. So, last thursday, after class, I decided to go get my electronics store fix and went to BestBuy (which is quite a long trip since it's right in the middle of the island. so, to get there, it's two different metro lines and then a bus ride). Browsing the aisles, I came upon the Mac section and saw the PowerBook 12 inch, at a ridiculously low price (like 400$ below standard price and something like 280$ below the educational price). So, I left the BestBuy with a new computer and a hugeass grin on my face.
Also, I got a call from one of the places where I had applied for a job. I'm having an interview on Wednesday. I'm excited!
And as a last uplifting fact, it seems that fall is slowly setting in. Today was sunny, featuring the kind of light one can only witness in autumn. It was windy and chilly. So that's the best thing, really.
Then, also, I got a new computer. A PowerBook G4, the 12 inch model. I can't express just how much I love that machine. I have always been a Mac fan and was once the proud owner of an iBook. Sadly, that iBook died in a really weird and frustrating fashion more than two years ago, just as I was in the finals period of my last year of Cégep. Since then I had been using a PC that was graciously offered by the famiglia to ease the pain of losing my friend the iBook. But that computer, as powerful as it was when I first got it, started becoming rather sluggish for all photoprocessing tasks and I have been harbouring the idea of getting a new computer. The plan was that I would get a computer for myself and hand the PC down to my mother, for her to finally step in the digital era. So, last thursday, after class, I decided to go get my electronics store fix and went to BestBuy (which is quite a long trip since it's right in the middle of the island. so, to get there, it's two different metro lines and then a bus ride). Browsing the aisles, I came upon the Mac section and saw the PowerBook 12 inch, at a ridiculously low price (like 400$ below standard price and something like 280$ below the educational price). So, I left the BestBuy with a new computer and a hugeass grin on my face.
Also, I got a call from one of the places where I had applied for a job. I'm having an interview on Wednesday. I'm excited!
And as a last uplifting fact, it seems that fall is slowly setting in. Today was sunny, featuring the kind of light one can only witness in autumn. It was windy and chilly. So that's the best thing, really.
20050907
A Good Beginning
I've been feeling rather shitty lately. Despite all my affirmations to the contrary, I didn't feel fine at all. I was numb at best, and falling apart at worst. Last week was incredibly bizarre. I was in a not-sleeping spell, or sleeping a ridiculous 3 hours each night. Having nightmares here and there. I arrived to class late twice in the first week of school, both times because my body forced me to get some sleep.
I was irritable at work and didn't want to deal with any of the customers. Just the thought of going to work was making me want to vomit.
Then, I went to my mother's for the weekend and slept like a log (a bit like how I slept when I went to my mother's right after the terrible sleepless night of leaving Quebec City). Came back here and my no-sleep began again. I felt like I was flaking out, completely.
Then, this morning, I overslept to the point of missing class altogether. So I went directly to work, feeling completely miserable.
Getting out of the metro, I saw from afar a woman that looked a lot like a former coworker of mine from the bookstore. Walking closer, I saw that it wasn't her. I started thinking about the sound advice she had given me many times before, about her way of viewing life. She was an intensely inspirational woman, my favourite coworker.
Then, walking towards work, on St-Denis, I pass in front of a restaurant. I turn around and there she is, sitting on a terrasse, having lunch with another woman. I just went to say hello and she was thrilled to see me. I was about to be late for work, so I just quickly greeted and she asked me where I worked, then saying she'd drop by during the day.
Seeing her instantly made all my gloom disappear. I had not seen her since last October, when she left the bookstore because she was moving to Sherbrooke. It felt like a sign, something telling me that things will be alright.
She did drop by a bit later. We talked for a bit and she gave me her phone number in Sherbrooke, inviting me for a coffee or for a sleep-over if I ever felt like it. Gave me some more of her relieving advice and then she went on her way. She was in Montreal only for the day, a spur of the moment thing.
So, now, it's 9:20. I'm going to bed. I know I'll sleep well tonight and that things will sort themselves out.
I might have been off to a false start, but I intend to transform this into a good beginning.
I was irritable at work and didn't want to deal with any of the customers. Just the thought of going to work was making me want to vomit.
Then, I went to my mother's for the weekend and slept like a log (a bit like how I slept when I went to my mother's right after the terrible sleepless night of leaving Quebec City). Came back here and my no-sleep began again. I felt like I was flaking out, completely.
Then, this morning, I overslept to the point of missing class altogether. So I went directly to work, feeling completely miserable.
Getting out of the metro, I saw from afar a woman that looked a lot like a former coworker of mine from the bookstore. Walking closer, I saw that it wasn't her. I started thinking about the sound advice she had given me many times before, about her way of viewing life. She was an intensely inspirational woman, my favourite coworker.
Then, walking towards work, on St-Denis, I pass in front of a restaurant. I turn around and there she is, sitting on a terrasse, having lunch with another woman. I just went to say hello and she was thrilled to see me. I was about to be late for work, so I just quickly greeted and she asked me where I worked, then saying she'd drop by during the day.
Seeing her instantly made all my gloom disappear. I had not seen her since last October, when she left the bookstore because she was moving to Sherbrooke. It felt like a sign, something telling me that things will be alright.
She did drop by a bit later. We talked for a bit and she gave me her phone number in Sherbrooke, inviting me for a coffee or for a sleep-over if I ever felt like it. Gave me some more of her relieving advice and then she went on her way. She was in Montreal only for the day, a spur of the moment thing.
So, now, it's 9:20. I'm going to bed. I know I'll sleep well tonight and that things will sort themselves out.
I might have been off to a false start, but I intend to transform this into a good beginning.
20050901
To The Anonymous Commenter...
Hi,
Reading your recent comments (the ones on the post "The Hardest Thing To Say And Do" and "Music For The State I'm In"), leads me to believe that you somehow know me.
Would you mind manifesting yourself, either by sending me an email or at least commenting AND leaving your name or a nickname or something like that. This anonymous thing is starting to freak me out.
Thank you,
Oli
Reading your recent comments (the ones on the post "The Hardest Thing To Say And Do" and "Music For The State I'm In"), leads me to believe that you somehow know me.
Would you mind manifesting yourself, either by sending me an email or at least commenting AND leaving your name or a nickname or something like that. This anonymous thing is starting to freak me out.
Thank you,
Oli
Music For That State I'm In
I believe music to be my main addiction. Thus, there's always a soundtrack around each and everything I do. It's gotten to the point of even when I am not listening to music, there's something playing in my head, constantly.
I was in the metro coming back from my class this morning and I started thinking that, this past week, I've been listening pretty much to the same stuff and that maybe that was the soundtrack to the state I'm in right now. So I figure I'd make a list of albums and songs that are of particular meaning to me at the moment.
Let's start with the albums. For clarity, it's always the name of the artist/band first and then the piece second.
Albums (in no particular order)
Songs (in no particular order)
So I think that paints a rather good picture of my musical landscape of the moment. I figure it will speak more than I can about my state of mind of the moment...
I was in the metro coming back from my class this morning and I started thinking that, this past week, I've been listening pretty much to the same stuff and that maybe that was the soundtrack to the state I'm in right now. So I figure I'd make a list of albums and songs that are of particular meaning to me at the moment.
Let's start with the albums. For clarity, it's always the name of the artist/band first and then the piece second.
Albums (in no particular order)
- Blonde Redhead - Melody Of Certain Damaged Lemons
- Morcheeba - Big Calm
- Yo La Tengo - Summer Sun [particularly excellent when it's raining outside]
- Lali Puna - Faking The Books
- Moby - Hotel
- Coldplay - X&Y [and, more importantly, the following songs: Fix You, A Message, The Hardest Part, Swallowed In The Sea]
- Autour de Lucie - L'échappée belle
- Frou Frou - Details
- Julieta Venegas - Bueninvento
- Bugge Wesseltoft - Moving [more importantly, the song: Yellow Is The Colour]
- Dido - Life For Rent [See You When You're 40, This Land Is Mine, See The Sun]
- PJ Harvey - Uh Huh Her
- Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Fever To Tell [Maps, Modern Romance]
- The Fiery Furnaces - Blueberry Boat
- Sarah Vaughan - Snowbound/The Lonely Hours
- Zero 7 - When It Falls
- Interpol - Turn On The Bright Lights
Songs (in no particular order)
- The Cure - A Forest
- Aaliyah - We Need A Resolution
- Aaliyah - Loose Rap
- Alanis Morissette - Everything
- Alanis Morissette - Right Through You
- Andrea Heins - Song Without You
- Andrea Heins - Smalltown
- Nina Simone - I Put A Spell On You
- Esthero - Beautiful Lie
- Jewel - Standing Still
- Kahimi Karie - Nikon 2 [I just so love the thought of the girl being a photographer and the other guy being a gigolo, and the parallel she makes in the song]
- Jay-Jay Johanson - I'm Older Now
- Avril Lavigne - Fall To Pieces
- Laub - Losigkeit
- Sarah McLachlan - World On Fire
- Sarah McLachlan - Stupid
- Pato Fu - Eu
- The Pretenders - Back On The Chain Gang
- Incubus - 11am
- Incubus - Nice To Know You
- Imogen Heap - Hide And Seek
So I think that paints a rather good picture of my musical landscape of the moment. I figure it will speak more than I can about my state of mind of the moment...
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