profilepicture!

Lying In The Hammock

I spent almost an hour lying in a hammock today. I'm at my mother's place, just for 2 days. It's the usual round of coming here to get some rest, to enjoy the sun, to swim and just feel like I'm on vacation. It's odd. This time last year, I felt trapped here. Now that I live someplace else, coming here is soothing.

I was lying in the hammock, right next to the pool. Sun shining through a trellis and throwing shadows in the process. I was just laying there, thinking. Thinking about the current state of my life. About all that has happened in the past year, all that happened since I moved out. About what lies ahead for me...

I came to the conclusion that I couldn't be in a better place. Looking back, I'm exactly where I want to be. I have moved out of home to study, risking to fail once more. But I didn't fail. It's been over seven months and I'm standing strong. There were some really hard times but I came through. Things always end up being for the best, this time being no exception.

In a little more than a month, I'll be beginning my studies in Photography. This is what I've been waiting for, what I've been wanting to do for a very long time. I'm almost there now.

I have a job that I really enjoy. Of course, I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. For now, though, this job is just perfect. I love the people I work with, I love my work environment. I feel good there.

I share an apartment with a really great girl. We both moved in from Granby. We both adapted to the city, together. We shared the times that passed and surely we'll share the times that are yet to come. Through all of this, I'm certain that I have made a friend for life.

I'm in love. I'm in love with someone who's in love with me too. With someone who makes everything seem sunny, who makes me feel incredibly good about myself. A person bringing cinematic moments in my life.

I was lying in the hammock and it dawned on me. My life is great. I wouldn't want it any other way.

That's Buttah

I work in a cosmetics store. Since our products bear a rather unconventional appearance, we're often asked by the customers what a specific product is and/or what it does.

Yesterday, I was in a particularly chipper mood. I started imagining the same kind of scenario happening in a grocery store. Here's a little dialogue featuring a Salesperson (S) and a Customer (C).

C- Sorry, Sir, what's that?
S (in his best New York accent)- That's buttah...
C- Ooh, buttah?
S- Yes. You spread it on toast or you can use it to cook a nice meal.
C- And what about that thing here?
S- That's produce...
C- Ooh?
S- Yes, produce. You use it to make salads
C- Is that so? How lovely is that!

Needless to say, I kept on giggling and made my other coworkers laugh with that. And now, when I'm asked the same question 50 times in a day, I just have to remember the grocery store scenario to keep that smile on my face.

Notes Of Edith Piaf

There's this moon that keeps on shining. From the night we were sitting on the ledge by the river, it has been present. The night we walked about your city and the night after, when I took the bus ride home. Even tonight, venturing outside, I'm greeted by this moon, so beautiful.

There are those butterflies that are flying about my stomach. When a thought of you comes, when I see a picture of you or a picture of us, together. When I hear your voice on my answerphone. When I'm lying right next to you, the butterflies are there.

There's this feeling. Triggered by notes of Edith Piaf or Jane Birkin. The feeling of something different, of a beginning, of something new.

I'm happy.

Inspiration Hole

En direct de la Villa Johnné

This is a gratuitous plug of a new endeavour Anne-Marie and I started. A blog, entitled En direct de la Villa Johnné (Live at Villa Johnné), that has a single focal point in mind: Relationships.

If you speak french, visit it, knock yourself out, indulge and do come back for more

En direct de la Villa Johnné

beijos,

-Oli

Random Rambling

I wonder how much time a month I spend just staring into the vacuum while in the public transit system...

Classifying Former Instances Of Love

If you go back far enough on this blog, you'll read little stories about a guy I always called G. His real first name is Gilbert. I will use that name throught the rest of this post in order to prevent confusion with another person whose first name begins with G.

I had met Gilbert online something like a year and a half ago. We chatted for about 6 months and then, last summer, finally met for real. I fell in love. He had just moved to Montreal and I was still living in Granby. We managed to see one another pretty much once a week for all of August. Then September came, we couldn't see one another, things degraded, he finally broke-up by phone in November (after months of being elusive and not telling me what was going on).

Sometime after, but before I moved to Montreal, he started talking to me again on MSN. On and off, he'd come online, chat me up about some random things and always disconnect abruptly.

In the same timeframe when Benoit left me, Gilbert came to the shop where I work, saying he was looking for a gift for a friend of his. I showed him around the store, he bought some bath product and left. He kept on coming online to talk to me, never really saying anything important or interesting but always questionning me about my relationships. Having learned that I had been dumped and that I was intending to stay alone for a bit, he wrote me something like "Good, you'll finally get to reset your karma" and then proceed to write some stuff about his new boyfriend. It was always that pattern. He'd come online, ask me how I'm doing, if I'm seeing anyone (and always seeming relieved that no, I'm not seeing anyone) and then start talking about his boyfriend, about how he's glad to have someone around that he's comfortable with so he "can concentrate more on the other spheres of his life".

He came to the store again, about 2 weeks ago. I didn't really want to see him. He was with two friends of his, introduced me to them, then told me he was coming in to buy a shampoo (that I had recommended to him the time prior and that he finally bought, only he bought it at the Quebec City store). He grabs the shampoo, tries to make conversation with me (but I'm staying incredibly cold) and then leaves.

Early last week, I came back from spending time in Granby, soaking up the sun and swimming. As I was processing the photos from a photoshoot I had done there, he comes online again. For some reason, I had a feeling he would. Then he starts talking to me. Same routine. Greetings, how am I doing, am I seeing anyone, relief that I am not, anything new?. Then, he tells me he got a new bed. I congratulate him on that and wish him good sleep. To this he replies: "well, it's not so much the sleep but the fact that now [his new boyfriend] can come sleep over if he wants..." (yes, he even went as far as doing suspension marks after his sentence. This was it. Then he says he has something urgent to do and that he's leaving. Conversation ended like this:

-Why do you talk to me at all, Gilbert?
-I don't know, Olivier
-Because it seems that, everytime you come online, you always manage to plug in your new boyfriend and then you disconnect abruptly
-Well, sorry, I hadn't noticed I did that. I guess I can just stop talking about [his new boyfriend] or just stop talking to you altogether.
-Whatever
-OK

He disconnected. I erased him off my list. I didn't block him (but I will if he comes to talk to me again).

Yesterday, I felt bad about that. I don't like passing for an asshole. I was thinking of writing him an email, explaining exactly why I do not want to talk to him or see him at all. Then, I decided I just should leave it as is. Why go on and write to someone that I still have feelings for them if that's most probably what they just want to hear. It feels like he was talking to me just to get the feeling that someone is stirred by him. I don't want to give him that. So this will be it. From a summer to another summer, chapter closed.

Maybe that's what I need in order to get a fresh start. To classify the former instances of love. And now that Gilbert's case is closed, it's time to classify Benoit...

An Array Of Thanks (in a quiet, discreet, subdued way)

I am rather uninspired to write anything lenghty or profound. There's not all that much happening in my life these days.

I wanted to write a little thank you note to various people, for various reasons. I thought I would do it here.

Bob: Merci pour le long commentaire sur mon dernier post, ça m'a fait du bien d'être remis en contexte. Faudrait réellement que l'on trouve le moyen d'aller prendre un café ensemble la prochaine fois que je suis à Granby...

Ryan: Thanks for all the comments on my photographs, your suggestions and critique. I really, totally appreciate it. Also, thanks for commenting on my blog and actually taking the time to read this.

Anne-Marie: Merci pour les encouragements, les coups de pied au derrière, les jokes, les discussions, "Dancing With The Stars", le partage d'appart, etc. Puissance Villa Johnné!

Renato: Obrigado pelas lições de português! (and thanks for correcting me when I make mistakes. I'm pretty sure that it'll pay off fairly soon)

And thank you to all those reading this blog or taking time to look at my photos on Flickr. Thank you all who make my daily life what it is. Thanks to friends for sticking by me, to my family for being what it is.

(there, we all gotta be thankful at one point or another, no?)