Anger

I'm feeling a lot of anger recently. Anger and frustration, both of which I am keeping inside. I am not the angry type. But this daily life is really sucking the positivity out of me.

It seems I am stuck in a cycle, a cycle that I don't understand. I am angry at myself because I am constantly bringing myself down. I am my worst enemy, really. I just can't stop this neverending series of I'm Worthless, I'm Ugly, I Suck, People Think I'm Stupid, I Am Stupid, etc. That's most probably the cause of my problem. I am underachieving because even before I begin anything I'm thinking that I just can't do it, being the talentless sucker that I am.

I am angry at this life I am living because I am not doing anything. I work part-time in a bookstore, as a cashier/clerk, I am still at home. I applied for university and I still haven't gotten a response which is beginning to really annoy and worry me. I am not well organised which means that even if I get in, it'll be problematic just to get my shit in order.

I need something drastic to change. I am really frustrated at everything. I am wondering if this will go on forever, if I'm destined to a life of mediocrity. Things must change but I just don't know what to do to make a change, one that'll be worthy. There must be a lesson to learn but I'm too blind to see it. Things have got to change really because the way this is going, I'll be wishing for someone to blow my brains out fairly soon.

And, of course I'm keeping all of this to myself because I don't want to annoy people with that.