[move out]/[move in]

this morning i went back to my flat to get the balance of my stuff, including furniture. it turned out to be quite something. joining me in this adventure were my mother, my sister, her husband and my grandfather. so we ventured out, in the chilly morning, to my flat.

as was often the case during the last weeks of the school term, i grew more nervous as we were approaching the dreaded flat. to be completely honest, i was afraid of running into flatmate. but i didn't. the flat was horrible: messy, smelly, filthy. just before leaving, two weeks ago, i vacuumed the whole place, cleaned out some stuff, etc. but none of the work i had done showed. i swear, it was not beautiful at all. but my task was to pack up my stuff, not to dwell on the uncleanliness of the place. plus, my grandfather was with me, and my mother, sister and brother-in-law would be arriving shortly, so no time was to be wasted. so i got into it, packed up my stuff.

since we started getting into the moving in our own flat, things were not so good with roommate (who once was a good friend of mine). she rarely was collaborating with anything. i fetched out the possible places to stay. i organised the visits. then, once the place was chosen and it was time to move in, i (with the help of my family) got us a huge truck to move all our stuff at once. she ended up not helping because she "had a show that night and she couldn't afford to be tired". so we hauled her stuff in the truck and moved it in the flat, without the slightest of her help. then i called the phone company to get phone service; i did the necessary to get high speed internet for the both of us. and that was only BEFORE moving in. during the time we lived together (i.e. the past 4 months), i always had to remind her about the money she owed me for bills (telephone, internet, both were in my name, so i paid first and then collected the money), she rarely cleaned up anything, she basically invaded the living room and kitchen (on the premise that i got the biggest room (it actually was HER choice to get the small room), so i have more room to store my stuff) with all her things, etc. so cohabitation became quickly tense, with me staying in my room most of the time.

today, i intended on getting my personal stuff and leave some things there (such as the phone, answerphone, coffee machine) to help her cope. i also thought that, anyways, since i'm leaving her the sofa, coffee table and kitchen table, not to mention lighting in the living room, i might as well leave her the other stuff that could be of use. but sister and mother weren't ok with that. i didn't really have a choice, they had made their minds and packed up the phone, answerphone and coffee machine. during the ride back, i felt bad about leaving her there with not much stuff (already that i had the phone service cut (it was in my name!) and that i took internet service with me when moving back my computer (it's in my name!)). thing is, i really should not feel bad now, should i?

i mean, i'm still paying my share of the rent, even though i don't live there anymore (so she basically gets a whole flat to herself, with only her share to pay), and i took care of the important stuff while i was there... so why should i feel bad about leaving with my stuff?

i guess i need to toughen up...