fields, endless fields

I'm kinda going through a blue period. Once again, i wonder what i'm going to do with my life, what am i gonna study, where am i going, etc. For a while, i thought that film studies would seriously end the evergoing questionning of what i want to do. Problem is, i will get in film studies only in a year and i'm already thinking: gee, i'm not sure i want to do that...

The best thing would be to find something that would merge all my major interests: photo, video, graphic design (and object design) with some form of a textual. In that respect, going to study either studio arts OR graphic design would probably be two viable solutions (if i can get it, that is).

In sculpture class, back in sherbrooke, i was always trying to speak without words. Studying visual arts put my brain in an entirely different mode, where instead of having flashes of poetry or of other type of writing, i would get visual flashes, for sculptures. Instead of jotting down ideas for verses, i would sketch down ideas for installations. In some respect, this worked very well. But the program wasn't very stimulating and the rest of my life there was hell, so i just did one term then came back here (go through the archive, i'm sure i wrote the whole story somewhere in here). When i left, the advisor of the program was shocked that i would even consider leaving visual arts. "You belong here," she said to me. "You have something to give, you have potential in the field." And when i was in Sherbrooke, before things got real bad, i was envisioning my future this way: 1. Finishing the certificate, 2. At the same time, do the prerequisite math course to get in Industrial Design, 3. Study Industrial Design. And now that i've been back to hometown 7 months now, i wonder, where has my plans for industrial design gone? I still love idea of it, i still love design, so i figure, why not? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

so i guess everybody's right. once i chose a field, i will not question anymore and just go with it.

the thing is, you have to chose a field first.