What I've Been Up To

I've understood a lot of things in the past month or so. A lot of things about life, about myself, about others. About the way I relate to people and just how different I view things if my heart happens to be involved.

I've been rollercoastery all month, but good was always overriding the bad. Everytime I felt sad or weird or freaked out or simply bizarre, it always lead to some form of understanding of things...

Early this week, I was taken by this crazy state of anxiety and panic. It followed me through until yesterday, when it peaked. After I was done my shoot in capture class, I went back to my place and crashed into bed. The feeling of falling into a void was back. I slept for two hours and woke up at 3pm. I had dreamt a weird dream about alarms ringing somewhere in town and me hovering around the buildings. Then I went to get the haircut. It all became clear during the haircut. What had been making me anxious, what had been bringing me down, what was rendering me sad. It felt like walking out of a puddle of sticky gelly. I got the feeling that I could breathe again, for the first time in days.

I really feel like I've grown this past month. This might just be the beginning of newfound self-confidence...