The Hardest Thing To Say And Do

I felt something was off but I never expected that.

I really believed that this time, it was right. That it was serious. That this love was meant to last. I refused the thought of it being a summer fling or just a volatile affair. I really fell in love. Not in a mad fashion, not in any destructive way. I just felt like colours were brighter, life felt just a little bit lighter. I felt empowered by this love.

But then something felt a bit weird. I felt something had changed. At first I didn't ask him because I kept on thinking that I was probably just imagining things, just trying to find the bad in this good situation. Until two days ago, when, lying in his bed, I ended up asking him to tell me what had changed on his part.

Turns out that gut feeling was spot on. Something was indeed off. "I'm afraid of commitment," he said. "I'm scared of not being free anymore". Something about the balance of love tipping more on one side than the other.

It was 2 am then. I was supposed to leave only the day after, but considering this, taking the soonest bus back was the best idea. Next bus was at 5:30. I could have stayed there, watching him avoiding looking at me, barely saying anything. But I just couldn't. So at 2:30, I left his place to go roam the streets of a city I barely know, until the passing of the bus.

The hardest thing to say and do?
Saying "Salut, François", opening the door and walking out.