I Don't

I don't want to annoy anyone with this.
I don't want to make it so my family cannot sleep at night.
I don't want to come off as a drama queen.
I don't want to repeat myself.
I don't want to be redundant.
I don't want to be needy, heavy, difficult.

But I'm unwell.

I don't want to come to terms with the fact that I will always have that dark cloud right above my head.

I don't want to be constantly unhappy.
I don't want to be ungrateful.
I don't want to be grumpy.
I don't want to panic.
I don't want to be alone.
I don't want to be with anyone.
I don't want to sleep.
I don't to be constantly tired.
I don't want to feel that my future is always so far ahead.
I don't want to forget that in 2 months time I'll be doing what I've been wanting to do for a very long time now.
I don't want to be one of those people who evade their own selves through something external.
I don't want to push people away.
I don't want to let anyone in.
I don't want to constantly wonder where I belong, if I'll ever belong anywhere.
I don't want to feel this crawling inside my head.
I don't want to have this rollercoaster inside.

I don't want to worry anyone with this.
I don't want my mother and my sister to not be able to sleep.
I don't want to ruin any friendships because of the way I'm feeling.
I don't want to break off anything.

I don't really want to
But I think time is ripe for me to admit
That I will need help.

Again.